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Thursday, 30 October 2014

AN EPIDEMIC OF AMBITION

Every day I wake up with ambitions bigger than myself: Becoming a human rights lawyer, publishing a book, fighting for the rights of those without them.
 People always ask me why I have these ambitions, especially at a young age. And the answer is simple:
Why not?
What are we living for if it's not to make the world better than it was yesterday? So many of us take every day for granted, the privileges we have soon thought as nuisances.
Something we take for granted so much is having a voice. I'm sitting here by my computer screen typing out what I think, and I can still do it without taking a bullet to the head. I have a right to speak my mind. And so should everyone else on this planet. (Sorry Aliens).
What I'm saying here is, don't ever let anyone tell you you're too ambitious. Because ambition is what fuels this world.
Every day I see this world desperate for change, getting to the point where they care to do nothing at all. You can do anything you want! If it takes you halfway across the world to get there, it doesn't matter, because what else are we living for other than doing good? So today I ask you one question:

What do you want to do?

It's a simple question. Do what you want, because the world needs more ambition. Step on the peddle and fuel this world that we live in. Inspire. Ambition is contagious so let's start an epidemic.
An epidemic of ambition. Let's be known as the generation that changed it all for the better!

So now I ask,
WHAT WILL YOU DO?

WHY. PEOPLE, WHY.

I never got this. Why do people lowride? Because quite frankly, looking like your torso is detached from your butt-crack is not something I will look at and say:
"Wow, that looks so attractive"
Because if you think pants are supposed to be worn by your ankles or knees, well, what's the easiest explanation to that? They're not.
So, people: Please wear your pants. You're a buttcrack away from becoming a streaker.
Thanks,
A concerned sane person.

Tuesday, 21 October 2014

Fake baby?

I was in McDonald's today, and everything was good with the world. Besides the fact  I was eating, y'know, chicken feet..
But that's besides the fact. We were having a nice greasy meal, when this mom and her three children walked in. She had one baby slung across her shoulder, and a little girl holding the other baby. She stood in line, waiting to order for about 5 minutes. Until I came to the stunning realization that none of her babies except for the child were moving. The baby just stood there, starring into space.
I casually walked over to to the McDonald's menu and glanced at the baby. Still frozen. Not sure if she left the baby in the freezer or something, because it looked pretty darn real. And why would a woman bring two fake babies to a restaurant?
Can a fake baby expert please tell me? I am genuinely confuzzled at this predicament.
So then, she proceeds to take a seat by a table, and propped up a pink baby seat. She placed the baby by the window, and it was starring out the window. On our way out, I glanced at the baby again, and it was a doll. They were all dolls except for the little girl. Unless they make them that real looking.
I won't discriminate against her doll-child culture, since I'm kind of like that with my books, mmmm paper. Wait, I don't think people talk about their children like that..
"Mmm..skin"  Yeah, that doesn't sound like a motherly thing. Unless your mom's a cannibal. I'm getting off topic.
Anyways, can a real-person-but-not-quite-expert explain this? Thank you, sir/Ma'am, may you be blessed with many fake babies under the golden arches.

Monday, 20 October 2014

Flappy Bird and Books

I had the priviledge to go to a writing festival the other day, and I know, it sounds boring to our demographic. But I also met someone who inspired me to write again, a very talented author, Kim Thuy. So i'll dedicate this weird blog post to her. Thank you, Kim. 
Our generation is pretty illiterate. Not too many people care about actually picking up a book. I know I'm gonna sound like quite the bummer, but really, there's so much more we can learn than just by reading an article on how much this generation reads.
Hence this article. 
It also ties into how much our generation doesn't want to do anything, and quite frankly, that's pretty sad. We don't all know what we want to do, with the pressures of society, but sitting on your phone playing flappy bird isn't going to help the matter.
(And by the way, "Got 100 on flappy bird" doesn't look great on a resume)

You don't need to become Kim Kardashian's plastic surgeon, but you can find something that makes your life line up perfectly. Something you enjoy. Maybe taking chances and learning about great people can help you out.

So whatever it is you want to try, the stupidest thing it may sound like, give it a go. (Don't say Professional Flappy Bird Player, I mean, why is a bird with botox jumping through tubes? That's creepy stuff, man)

Anyways, what I'm trying to say is, it's never too early to get up and do something new or interesting. 
The moral of the story here is:
Don't play flappy bird.





Tuesday, 7 October 2014

Bathrooms.

Kay, bathrooms are poopie. They just are. Well literally they are, because that is where your poopies flow. So it would be natural to call it poopie. DANGIT COMPUTER I CAN SPELL POOPIE HOW I FEEL LIKE, AIGHT?!
I may...have some..anger issues..
Anyways, many many awkward moments span from the tiny room to store all that..stuff. So today I decided what better thing to talk about other than BATHROOMS!

Probably the most annoying thing is that little line from hell between bathroom stalls. Y'know, the ones that are small enough so that you can still make eye contact with that one person waiting for you to hurry up with your dump? Yeah.
Think about it, one little wall is dividing you from privacy and causing a public disturbance. (I'd like to apologize to anyone who forgot how to poop while reading this blog post)

Then there's the people who forget where the toilet is, so once you arrive in the stall, there is a yellow fluid coating the ground. Ew. Okay? Ma'am, do you think I enjoy the thought of trying to pass lake Linda or whatever your name is? No, Lake Linda is not on my bucket list.

This personally happened to me. I was on a roadtrip, and decided to go into the little girls room. (Let me clarify, I mean girls bathroom, not really randomly walking into a little girls' room. That would be awkward. And illegal.)
And there was a white liquid coming from the side of the other stall. To this day, I have not figured out what it is.

EW.

I think I might hate bathrooms.

Sunday, 5 October 2014

Evil Ice Cream Trucker

If many of you may recall, I have a post on how I will trick people with an Ice Cream Truck. I resent that. IT'S EVIL. PURE EVIL.
Today I got a Slurpee at Seven-Eleven, and when I got home, behold.
I hear a faint jingle. Could it be? It drives up, slowly. Taunting me. It pulls up.
Let me say here during the summer not once has an ice cream truck driven by. BUT IN OCTOBER?
Listen here ice cream trucker. You sir, are an evil mastermind.
Nobody drives an Ice Cream Truck in October. Nobody okay? It's up there with

In other news, releasing a YouTube video for you guys soon, so comment on a topic or thing you'd like me to do, and I might use it. Or don't. I'm not your mother. Do what you want to do. Unless it's driving an Ice Cream Truck after I bought a Slurpee. Then don't.