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Thursday, 26 June 2014

Tourists and Whales with low self-esteem

 I was watching the news and one of the headlines read:
"Rare Albino Parades Off Coast"
And I'm thinking, wow these headlines make the animals sound really spontaneous. I mean, what's the next headline? "Seal sassy-ly waddles into water." Now, I'm no Whale expert, or Whale watcher, and I don't mean to rain on this Whale's "Parade", but it's only a parade if you have more than one Whale.
In other news, Monique knows nothing about Whales and is a Whale-bully.
Okay, this makes me really depressed. You see that wound right there? That's the wound I left in the lonely Whale's heart. I'm a terrible person.
Speaking of Whale Watchers, I wanted to talk about Tourists.
Tourists are like if an Oxymoron had a child. It's an Oxymoron's love child. Because, tourists always seem interested in everything they're doing, and they know stuff about the subject but at the same time know nothing. They also get excited over nothing. For example Whale Watchers like Watching Whales. (Thank you Captain Obvious.) And they have all these fancy cameras and there they are parading (Ironically) around with their bucket hats and fanny-packs, and once they snap a picture of let's say a tiny portion of a whale's tail, they get all excited like teenage girls at a Justin Bieber concert. Yeah, you have a picture of a Whale's tail. You could go on google images and find them there. I'm giving Whale's and Whale-watchers a hard time here. Okay if you're a whale or a whale watcher, I am so sorry. 
To put into perspective the way tourists act, let's make the setting a public bathroom. So there's tourists all around the bathroom and they're snapping pictures of everything.
"Oh honey you have to take a look at this guy's socks! They are just the best shade of petunia!"
Or the tour guide points out the soap in the soap dispenser:
"Here is the purple soap dispenser that caries the purple soap"
Then a very loud flamboyant woman will scream from the crowd of tourists:
"Hey! Why is the soap purple? That's so bizarre, OMG I have never experienced something so bizarre in the entirety of my whole existence!"
Yes, this is how tourists sound when they know nothing about the place they're visiting. It's like asking why people are pooping in a bathroom. So yeah, buy a tour book or somethin'. Or don't. I don't run your life.
(No Whales were harmed in the making of this post. Except maybe that Whale's self-esteem. Sorry!)

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